Episode 43 - Stop Weighting Start Living with Randi Cox
"Your body exists for you to experience life's magic no matter what your size."
Randi is a Weight Watchers coach turned intuitive eating and living coach who teaches us that curiosity and compassion are the keys to living the life you want to live regarding health, weight and food. She supports her clients in getting right with food and honoring your worthiness and how it has NO ties to your meat-suit.
This is a special conversation with someone who has been there and done that and can share her wisdom on ditching diet culture.
She is currently hosting a challenge called 75 Intuitive and can be found here:
Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Positively Charged Podcast. I'm a certified coach who's innately curious and loves discussing life, work, family, and everything in between. My guests and I are sharing how we step into our power and live a positively charged life. Let's dive in.
[00:00:23] Welcome. Welcome to another episode of Positively Charged. I am your host, Lindsay. And listeners, I have a Tori for you. And it's always, it's always so wonderful when I have the wonderful people in my life agree to come on the pod and be like, share their hearts with you. And today is no exception. I have the beautiful, the wonderful Randy Cox with me today.
[00:00:48] Randy is a yoga teacher, an intuitive eating coach. She values your body and everything about it and helps you get on the track of even just self neutral. Let's just be self neutral so that we're not dieting and wasting our life chasing calories, weight. Anything to do with restriction in those areas. So Randy, I know you're gonna say it a lot better than I did, but welcome to the podcast and tell us, Randy, tell us a bit about yourself and why you said yes to joining us on the show.
[00:01:24] Yeah, so thanks so much for having me. Um, like Lindsay said, my name is Randy. I am an ex Weight Watcher's leader and weight loss coach turned intuitive eater, and now I help women really just have confide. To do the thing and start living and know that you can live in anybody in any size, and you don't have to lose five pounds to live your best life or 10 or 20, like you can be living your life now how you wanna be living it.
[00:01:51] And so that's how I help people as a coach. Mm-hmm. Thank you so much for that. And thank goodness, thank goodness you're doing this work in the world because I w we were just saying before I hit record, but it's like I've been. That's absolutely, um, where I, that's actually where I started my coaching journey.
[00:02:07] The first time I hired a coach was around food and managing, food and wellness. Um, because I would, I was diagnosed as a celiac in late, like as an adult. I didn't even know what the hell that meant. I didn't even know what I was getting myself into. And I was like, I need someone to help me. And I hired a wonderful, beautiful.
[00:02:29] Um, who supported me in that endeavor, and she kind of explained to me what intuitive meeting was for the first time. And I thought that was just the radis thing ever. And so the fact that you're doing this. Really important, good work. It saves women, it saves women from the trap, um, and saves people. Maybe you work with like anybody, um, saves anyone from the trap of hating themselves into a position of just slightly smaller for no goddamn reason other than the patriarchy tells us though.
[00:03:00] So, um, exactly. Yeah. So. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. Randy, you're doing this work and so why'd you say yes? Why'd you come on the pod? What do you, what do you want to tell us today? Um, cause I just wanna tell everyone. I'm like, stop dieting. Yes, you have full autonomy to do whatever you wanna do. I just like to show people there is another way and nobody, nobody knows, like we're so socialized as women that our birth is tied into our looks and our value is in our waistline.
[00:03:27] And like, we're literally like, we come out of the womb and it's like lose weight. Like I have a three and a half year old daughter and I can see the. Is already happening and we're just groomed from birth as women from society since day one and nobody, like, we don't understand there's another option. And so I'm here to tell you that like, Dieting, the rules, counting calories, tracking your food.
[00:03:52] Like you don't have to do that. You can live a whole other way. Um, and the reason I do this is, like I said, I used to work for Weight Watchers. So like Lindsay was sharing her story, like I learned how to count calories at the age of nine and I was reading food labels. So like for 20 plus years I have been on this cycle of like strict fruit, then binge food and undereat, and then overeat.
[00:04:17] Um, and I joined Weight Watchers cause it was gonna save my life. It was gonna gimme all this happiness and confidence and help. Like, as long as I could hit this number on the scale, these magical doors were gonna open up. Like I was gonna have a pet unicorn. Everything. Yeah, anything, anything and everything.
[00:04:35] The world is your oyster if you lose five pounds. Sounds good. Yeah. And so I lost the weight. Um, and then I became like entrapped in this maintaining, and my whole identity really got tied up in being thin. And like when I say I was the poster child for weight loss, I literally, my face was on the poster in the Weight Watchers meeting rooms.
[00:04:58] I did every single thing in my power to stay thin, and so I restricted food. I went like, not only counting points, but then I tried paleo and I tried keto and I was doing diet upon diet upon diet. I was, um, working out way more than any human body ever should have to, and it was just becoming like unmaintainable to stay this thin and it was costing me my time, my energy.
[00:05:27] Like everything. I wasn't present with my family. I was angry. I was like depressed. I had so much anxiety and I became this like people pleasing, perfectionist because I sought out that validation of like, oh, you look so good. Oh, did you lose weight? And my full worth became tied up into people commenting on that.
[00:05:47] Um, and then I found out I was pregnant in 2018 and was like, I need to feed myself. This tiny little group of cells inside of my body is like, I can't continue this lifestyle. And it was really interesting to me that I was like, okay with being healthy to support someone else inside of me, but not myself.
[00:06:11] And then when she was born, I was like, I don't want this for her. I don't want her to ever have to step inside a Weight Watcher's meeting room and feel like she needs to lose. And I know she's gonna get that message from everywhere else, but I was like, she doesn't have to get this message from me. And then I was like, oh, wait a second.
[00:06:31] If it is okay for me to protect her from this lifestyle, and why is it, why am I not doing the same for myself? Yeah, so I like stepped outta this culture. I walked away, I left the meeting room and I worked for them for 10 years. So like, it was a literal like, Hey, bye, I'm leaving and I'm never coming back.
[00:06:51] Um, and yeah, so I was like, well, what, what am I supposed to do now? What do we do if we're not dieting? And I, this is such a. Common thread I see in, and yes, I primarily work with women because the system of oppression that I exist in. That's who I relate totally. Women makes sense. Um, and so I was like, I can't be the only person that is like this.
[00:07:14] Like where, where do we go now? What happens? We're not dieting, we're not trying to eat less food. Like how do we exist and how do we be healthy? And so I stumbled across intuitive eating and the concept of health at every size. And it actually had like so much scientifically backed research of how much better this was for you.
[00:07:34] And I was like, oh, holy shit. This is pretty cool. Mm-hmm. So studied it, took courses on it, got my own coaching on it, and was like, well, I don't wanna be coaching weight loss anymore. Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. And so this is where I've landed. This is my absolute passion in life is like helping other women get out of that getting cycle.
[00:07:58] Of just like restricting food and then eating food and feeling guilty for eating the food. So restricting the food again and just living in this spiral of shame. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like, and you said it like nine years old. I think I was similar, like, um, definitely before I was a teenager I was worried about how fat I was, how my body looked in certain things, and it really took over my life even before I was a teen, like it.
[00:08:28] Pervasive and part of my ether, like part of what made me tick. I remember even in like high school, like hanging up jeans on my wall that were too small for me, that I was like, oh, I really want to fit into these one day. Like, it was just so, like when I look back at that part of me, I'm like, exactly that vibe.
[00:08:48] I'm just like, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry that, uh, that part of my life was wasted. Just making sure that I was thin. Like I, I look back at my life and I'm like, yeah, I had an enjoyable life. Like, I'm not, like, you know, whatever. I'm not trying to be a martyr, but fundamentally it's, it stole something.
[00:09:09] Like it absolutely stole something. And I, I agree with you, Randy. Like when I had my girls too, I was like, no, no, no, not ever, not ever. Not from this voice, not from. And exactly as you said, like it's gonna be everywhere anyway, so let's try to at least start at home. Uh, about even just the other day, my kid said something about like, well, that's not healthy.
[00:09:34] And I was like, well, who told you it's not healthy? Something she watched on something or other. I'm like going on her tablet, deleting shit. And it's like, but it's like, it's pervasive, like the messages around women's body. Is pervasive. And so being a warrior in that war against staying small, like it, and I, yeah, like I'm, I, I like to actually think of it in a neutral way, which I, I appreciate your language cuz I think you are speaking pretty neutrally.
[00:10:04] You're not saying like, don't, you're not saying don't want it, don't diet. You're saying do what's best for you and be the voice of reason in your own body and your own mind. And you don't have to love what you are given and what is natural, but you also don't have to hate it. Like there's something in between.
[00:10:23] And that's what I'm really curious about is how you approach that from a neutral perspective. Yeah. So my main focus, like yes, once we. Help people out of diet culture and we make peace with food. The real work really becomes on like your beliefs around your body and women's bodies in general. And so often with body image we hear like you'll go from loving yourself to hating yourself or like, sorry, backwards.
[00:10:49] You'll go from loving your body, but like, That's not what it's about. It's detangling that your looks and how you think about how you look really have nothing to do with your worth. So whether you like what you look like, you don't like what you look like, you love yourself, whatever it is, your worth is not tied to that.
[00:11:10] So you are worthy no matter how you feel in your body. And like, let's be honest, I've been doing this work for four and a bit years. Like there's days where I wake up and I'm like, oh my God, this is the worst body image day ever. And those thoughts still come in. And those old thought patterns of hating it on my body still happen.
[00:11:28] But I know I can still go out and live a badass life. I don't have to let those thought. Run my day like, and so what I teach is body neutrality, because if you're gonna go stand in the mirror and be like, just tell yourself you're beautiful, just tell yourself you're beautiful. Our brain don't believe that we've gone for like 20 plus years learning to hate our bodies.
[00:11:51] Standing in front of the mirrors and saying We're beautiful is not gonna do anything. Our brains are gonna be like, wait, what? This is so farfetched. I can't believe this. And then we feel like we failed again. So in my body of work and how I teach body image is that we're gonna separate those two. We're gonna dislike.
[00:12:08] Take 'em apart. Your worth and your looks have nothing to do with each other. And you don't have to love your body. You don't, and you don't have to love how you look to still be able to respect your body and to accept your body and to like then start living your life how you wanna live your life. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:12:29] Like you, what I just heard you say is detangle what doesn't belong together. Um, and if you can do that, like, if you can even look at that, if you can even look at that tangled mess and be like, you don't belong together. You're already on the, on the road, like you're already there. And you know, I, I do wanna be like very empathetic and connective to those who are dieting.
[00:12:54] And there are people listening to this right now who. You know, maybe thinking like, oh shit, like this isn't for me cuz I love dieting and I, I want to hate my body. Or you know, like, I do hate my body or I, you know, whatever. And you belong here too because it's, it's, it is about being neutral. It is about kind of connecting to the, the idea that they just don't belong together, that you are worth.
[00:13:19] Of everything and anything you desire regardless of whether you're dieting of, regardless of whether you're not dieting and anything to in between. And so, yeah. What I heard you say is detangle what doesn't belong. Yeah. Detangle. What doesn't belong. Yeah. And growing up like we have been taught that our worth is in our way size, like the Disney princesses don't get rescued from the Prince unless they're these like tiny little things.
[00:13:46] Yeah. And like. We only see 5% of body types represented in the media. And I do think we're getting a lot more inclusive in the media, but size inclusivity is still not there. And if you think of like the sitcoms that we watched growing up where we have Monica who wasn't pretty enough to get a prom date and like the Simpsons, king of Queens family guy, like it's all these tiny little thin women with bigger bodied husbands and like.
[00:14:13] Whether we like to think it or not, we internalize this message. Like, look at all the, the villains, Ursula, the Sea witch, like we are shown time and time again that fat equals bad and thin equals good and it's everywhere. Mm-hmm. And so whether we like consciously recognize. Or not, we're still internalizing this message and like the examples I just gave are just the tips of the service.
[00:14:42] Like there's so much out there. And so we do internalize this and it does become part of our core value and like we are taught, and then the Healthism world comes out and says, thin is healthy, fat is bad, which. Is also not true and bullshit. Yeah, totally. Yeah. There's inundated with these messages and then what happens is we actually become so unhealthy on our pursuit of health and thinness.
[00:15:09] Yeah, exactly. Like the, this inversion it, it, I kind of like to think of it of like, who's benefiting from you feeling? Like, who's benefiting from you feeling like this? And if someone's benefiting from you, feeling like shit about yourself, then maybe you shouldn't, um, take, put that much weight into that, like, for lack a better word, put that much effort and connectivity into that because there is more to the story where the money goes, where the, where the influence goes.
[00:15:39] Like all of that. It's, it's true. Like it's true that that is the way our society is. And so Randy, like, I hate to take it so esoteric within the first like 10 minutes of talking, it's, but like, what are we doing about this? What can we do as a society to start like, or continue or start in a more meaningful way, creating a narrative that is more inclusive and less rooted in the patriarchal bullshit.
[00:16:10] Thing is good and bad, is bad, um, sort your own shit out. Like that's where I owe. It starts, it starts with you. And I have a lot of moms come to me and they're like, how do I teach my kid how to be this way? And how can I teach my young kid how to grow up in this? And I'm like, you need to sort your own your own brain now and recognize your own thoughts.
[00:16:29] And like, it's co It's not the most fun and sometimes it's really uncomfortable to sit and. Examine what your thoughts and beliefs are. Um, but me as a coach, that's where I teach from, is our thoughts and beliefs. Uh, we think certain ways, we believe certain things, and that's gonna create a motion which is gonna create action.
[00:16:48] So a lot of people will start from the action side of things and just be like, go do this. Go try this, go do this. But if your thoughts and beliefs aren't aligned, those actions aren't gonna take place, and those actions aren't gonna mesh with your beliefs. So really it's about getting to know what, what you believe, and not necessarily on your body, but women's bodies in general and fat bodies like.
[00:17:13] What do you believe? And like, this is not me shaming any thoughts. This is not me judging anyone's thoughts. Like we, we all have these shitty thoughts. They're all there. So it is completely normal if you are thinking these thoughts and like I hold the most compassion for you for thinking these thoughts.
[00:17:34] And really like the fundamentals of my program is get curious with your beliefs and hold compassion for yourself. And then you get to choose. You get to pick what you wanna keep believing or do you wanna have a new belief? And I think a lot of people don't realize like your beliefs and thoughts aren't facts.
[00:17:53] They're not truths. So if you're someone that thinks, oh, I need to die, I need to lose weight for X, Y, Z reason, like that doesn't have to be a fact. That can be a thought or an opinion that has just stemmed from these beliefs of society. And I think the more we do the uncomfortable work ourselves and the more compassion we can build on our own, the more we're gonna hold for other people.
[00:18:20] And the more this message and this system and these beliefs are gonna start trickling out and slowly we're gonna take down diet. Yeah. We're gonna take down diet culture. I just, I see this mob forming behind us. Yeah. Slash in front of us. I know there's people ahead of us who have started this. And yeah, like, thank you for that.
[00:18:41] Because I think that's, isn't that the truth? Like isn't what you just said the truth. How do we make systemic change? We start with us. We start with ourselves and we look in the proverbial mirror and and say like, what am I doing to perpetuate this behavior? And what thoughts and feelings, as you said are contributing to.
[00:19:07] Um, even just how I show up in the world. Mm-hmm. And I really appreciate that. I think that that's not only like, obviously true, like that's the real true and it, it, it invites this kind of vulnerability into the soul of, hey, like you're a part of the problem. Um, and I, I completely agree with that. Like for my own personal, um, growth and like what I do in my life, I completely see myself as part of the problem whenever there's a problem.
[00:19:37] And I, I think that's a, you know, that's a meaningful way to look at it is be like, okay, well yeah, maybe a bit harsh, like you're part of the problem. But that's the only, that's the first step is being like, okay, well I'm part of the problem and I can recognize that and try to change it in whatever way, shape, or form I can do it.
[00:19:57] And for moms, I'm sure you see all the time. That's what I see with my clients too. Like, well, I just want to, I want to like stop the carnage here. Like I wanna break the, um, the chain, the generational trauma of weight loss and, and weight restriction. I want to break that here and I'm still in, in that cycle myself.
[00:20:19] Yeah, and it's like beautiful. Like that is such a great invitation. You cannot break what you are participating in. So if you can remove yourself out of that and examine those beliefs. And I, I love what you said, that like action means nothing if you don't believe what you're doing. And I don't know if you've ever read the book Atomic Habits by James.
[00:20:45] It's sitting right beside. Nice. Nice. I was like, I've started it, but I've gotten like, yeah. Yeah. Like it's, it, it's one of the, I, I don't even know when I read it, to be honest, like was said, even this year, I don't even know, um, or last year, but it's, it's in, and I, there's another habits book by Charles Duhig, um, I'm blanking on the name, but it's like called like the habit forming or something like that.
[00:21:08] And one of the bitches I have about these books is that it's rooted in action. Like there, there's definitely a lot of action being invited of like creating a new habit or dismantling a habit in order to get the be on the path that you wanna be on or live the life you wanna live or whatever. And they do speak to this slightly, but I think the bigger part of it is what do you actually.
[00:21:34] Like, what do you actually believe? Like if you wanna start a habit of working out or start a habit of, I don't know, walking every day or, or I, I don't know, whatever it is, and you just it, it, it's like this, like, okay, you just have to have discipline and, uh, blah, blah, and a system. But really in the end of the day, if you don't.
[00:21:55] That that's for you. That there's a, a intrinsic outcome that is in alignment with you. You are never gonna do it. You're never gonna do it. And it's the, it's the same with dieting. If you really believe that you're not enough, like if that's really the, the set of beliefs that you have when you enter into this like, Body change, you're, it's never gonna like it, it that is just set up for disaster.
[00:22:21] You're, if you believe that you're not enough, you're not enough. And that's not true. That's not real. And defaulting to what is true and real is sometimes the harder thing to do. Yeah, and with the whole action thing, like people are like, well, if I wanna go for 10 minutes of walk a day, is that not DI culture?
[00:22:42] And it's not the action that makes it di culture, it's the intention behind the action. So if you are coming at this like, I wanna do 10 minutes walk a day. Okay, well, let's look, what do you think about movement? What do you believe about movement? Why are you doing the movement? And let's see what neuro pathways your brain has developed around movement.
[00:23:03] And if those neuro pathways are, I have to do it because I have to fit into this gene size and I have to do it because I ate too much and it's a punishment and I have to repent for the donut I had last night for dessert. That action of walking 10 minutes a day is not gonna be sustainable. Mm-hmm.
[00:23:20] You're not gonna be able to continue that habit. And like, I, I hate the term willpower, and I honestly think it was like a diet culture invention to make people feel shit about themselves. Cause like no matter how much willpower you have to keep doing these actions, if you're doing it out of a guilt or a shame, or like a low vibing emotion that's not producing the goals.
[00:23:43] It's not gonna work. You're gonna do it for a week and then you're gonna miss one because life happens. And then you're gonna be like, well, I'm a fucking failure. I can't continue on with this. Yeah. But if you weren't on those thoughts and beliefs and like, this is what I actually told a client, like maybe the way to get to exercise is to stop exercising altogether.
[00:24:03] And examine your thoughts around it and why you wanna do it. And so like I've had clients that have stopped exercising for months at a time just to be like, I really need to like understand why I'm doing this. And then when they start doing it again, those habits actually stick and they're consistent and they're doing it for themselves.
[00:24:23] They're doing it for their mental health, they're doing it for connection and for community and all. Things that are making them feel empowered, and that emotion of empowerment is what's gonna keep the habit it going. Mm-hmm. Um, and then we don't have the all or nothing mindset. We don't have perfectionism.
[00:24:41] Like when we miss a day. Oh yeah. We miss a day. Like, it's okay. That's right. Um, that's right. And that's the, I I like to call, uh, Those things like, um, perfectionism, people pleasing, all or nothing, mindsets, self sabotage, all of those. Kind of obstacles. I, I like to call those, like the shit that keeps us stuck, the shit that keeps us stuck.
[00:25:07] It's just like, if you wanna really disband the shit that keeps you stuck, you have to observe it, you have to look at it. Um, and there's, there's information in Mac, there's a reason you feel that way. And if I'm not saying, you always need to know why. Examining what it means, I think is the invitation. And yeah, if you're, if you're really rooted in perfectionism and doing, like if you miss a workout or you know, again, like we're using workout in food as the examples, but it's anything like if you miss the meeting or we're late to the meeting or if you.
[00:25:44] Um, you know, didn't get your kids signed up for frigging swimming lessons, like, you know, and the perfectionism behavior comes in, or those like negative thoughts. Um, it, it's just a, there's an invitation to observe it and why, and how, and the circumstances that bring those up. And I like to think of the antithesis to that as empathy and compassion.
[00:26:10] Really, truly saying, yeah, you know what self, I see why you're judging yourself on that. Because we've lived this life like we have. We have lived a whole life of telling ourselves we're not enough, and I see you self. I see you and there's another way. Let's try another way. That's that new neural pathway pathways, you said Randy building.
[00:26:31] Um, whenever I do this with my hand, like listeners can't see it, but it's like, this means brain. This is my universal, um, signal for brain. But when you create that new brain wave, that new neural pathway, you are serving yourself. You're, you're coming, you're meeting yourself where you are, as opposed to this like fictional, um, whatever society tells us we need.
[00:26:56] Yeah. Yeah. My favorite analogy for Neuro Pathways is like, we live in Calgary. There's a lot of snow. If you don't have snow, lucky you. That's, yeah. I wanna be where you're, but we, we all have these snow paths from like our backyard to our garage. Or like when you're walking in a field, you can see where the kids cut across to the bus stop and it's.
[00:27:17] The footprints have been made. It's an easier path. Like you can walk on it with ease and that's the thoughts you're having now. Those are the neural pathways that are already built. That's the like, oh, my body is ugly. Those are those thoughts and you're, they're easy for your brain to take because they're so built.
[00:27:35] But when we're working on like getting rid of perfectionism or learning to think neutral thoughts about our body, like imagine taking. A giant step into three feet snow, like you're, it's uncomfortable. Your feet get wet. It's stick, like it's icky, it's cold. It's not as easy as that neural pathway. So have compassion for yourself cuz like those neural pathways are built up.
[00:27:57] That snow path is so, like those kids have walked that path a million times. It's so much easier to take and doing this new neural pathway, it's uncomfortable, it's hard. So, Of course your brain wants to take the easy, comfortable route. Of course, that's normal, but you can choose to step into the icky snow to start making a new path, and you get to choose what that new path looks like.
[00:28:19] Yeah, so beautiful. So Randy, when you are having a bad body image day, or when a client is having a bad body owner day, I know I get them too to this day, all the time. Sure. I've had one in the. So what is your, what's your go-to advice for helping us get out of that shit that's keeping us stuck? Yeah. Well, I'm like, let's talk for a whole hour on this.
[00:28:44] Yeah. Do you have another hour? Okay. Yes. We got all time we need. My first thing, like my whole program is curiosity and compassion. So curiosity, like what happened, what triggered this, what thoughts are created? Did someone say something like, something is triggering because having bad body image, like it's a feeling of discomfort in our bodies.
[00:29:07] So something has triggered that feeling. Um, and like you kind of mentioned before, my go-to question is like, who is profiting off of this? Feeling somebody somewhere is profiting off of that and you can choose. Um, I'm just gonna like, keep throwing advice at Yeah, you do it. Don't stop. Don't stop. We love it.
[00:29:26] Another thing is like, I am a huge believer of like, I don't know, mantras or like new thoughts that you're offering your brain. Sometimes mantras are affirmation sounds like. High level, but it's a new thought. It's that new neural pathway that you're offering your brain. So the first thought you have of like, ugh, gross, bad body image day, that's your old thought.
[00:29:49] So offer it a new one that your brain is gonna believe. And so some things are like, What, like what is the purpose of my body, like my go-to is like my body is just a vessel for me to experience life. And so when I'm having these like, oh my gosh, look at my stomach, look at this rolls, look at these wrinkles.
[00:30:08] I'm like, cool. They're helping me experience life. I don't have to love this vessel right now. But I can still live my life cuz it is still here to just experience the senses of life and that's what it's here for. Um, or like my body is not good nor bad, it's just a body. And that's how I'm choosing to think about it and just really like grounding yourself in your beliefs.
[00:30:31] Um, lots of times though, and I see this cause I coach all the time in this, this space is lots of times when we're having a bad body image. There's something else going on in our lives that we're avoiding. Our brain is like hating our body is the default way to think because we don't have to think about something else that's going on.
[00:30:52] So lots of times in my client's lives, there's something else going on, whether it's something at work or a tough conversation or something happened. Whatever it is. Lots of times something else is going on that we don't wanna look at, and so our brain is like, okay, let's just hate our body today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:31:10] That sounds true. Like default to what is, like you said, like the snow pathway that you. Have walked a million times and that feels safer than looking at the, the real hard stuff that's happening. Um, yeah. Yeah. We having compassion like it's o it's okay to have those, those bad days and like I'm always like, okay, brain, we can be here.
[00:31:33] Like we're here, but I'm still gonna live my life and tomorrow's gonna be a new day. Yeah. I love that. That's so be. And so if you are the person that is listening to this right now thinking, okay, this is exactly how I feel all the time, this is what I, I'm sure this happens to you all the time, Randy, like people are probably messaging to you soon.
[00:31:55] Are you inside my brain? Because that's exactly what I'm thinking. So to the person who's listening to this right now, who's like, oh my gosh, that's so me. Um, what is the next right thing? What is the next right thing that they can do to get helper support or to just change their mindset or to just, I don't know, What can they do?
[00:32:15] Um, my like, best suggestion is fill your feeds, fill your socials with people in this space. And when you're in this moment and you can't see, see out of it, like go look at new thoughts, go look at what other people are doing and like start. Start adopting those thoughts as your own. But like I said, curious, curiosity and compassion are gonna get you through everything.
[00:32:39] Getting curious as to what you're believing, what your thoughts are, and then compassion. Like in almost all of my coaching classes, I will say or quote, when I meet with my clients, I will say like, of course you think this way. It's normal to think this way. Yes. And that's such a huge part of it. It's just like of.
[00:32:59] Of course you think this way. That's ok. Yeah. Then how do you want, how do you wanna feel? Yeah. Um, I also like, come chat with me. I'm gonna already, it's posted in the show notes. Yes. What everything posted in the show notes. Yeah. That's cause you're gonna be sharing like there's another piece there around like your Instagram feed, your, your TikTok, whatever.
[00:33:23] It's like if you follow even one person who has these kind. I'm gonna call it progressive, um, thoughts around body weight, dieting, et cetera. All of those pieces, exercising them, they're gonna share other resources on their socials so you can, it's, it's like a little spider web, right? Like you can, you start with Brandy person who's hearing this.
[00:33:48] Follow Randy on the Instagram and then see what she posts. See what she. And just be curious about what, what is, what is going on in those ways. And also be compassionate too. Cause I think there, I, I love the, that, that combination because I think there is a lot of judgment. I know for me, when I was in that part of my journey where I didn't know what was up or down, I was very judgmental.
[00:34:15] Like I didn't think I was, but I was like looking backwards. I can totally say that I. And I was like, well, um, I don't know, like maybe this isn't like, yeah, I guess I could be fat and healthy at the same time, but I just don't see how that's possible. Or like, just like naysaying and, uh, what's the word I'm looking for?
[00:34:33] Like, yeah. Naysayers or like the critics, like the critics of you become a critic of something you don't understand because it keeps you safe. It's keeping you in that, and as you said, who's benefiting, who's profiting from that thought keeping? In your zone of like, it's keeping you from your zone of excellence.
[00:34:55] Like when you are focusing on shit that doesn't matter. And I'm not saying exercise and, and, and nourishing foods don't matter. They they do. And there's a mindset that you can put on it that allows you to stick in your zone of genius and not let it take your whole life. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of people go on diets to shrink their body, but really you're shrinking your life.
[00:35:21] Like, yeah. Yeah. Ooh, woo. There's a, there's a zinger. There's a zinger right there, folks. I also wanted to add too, like our sole purpose of our brain is like, find things that bring pleasure and keep us safe. And like we stem from caveman days where like if you didn't fit in, you got eaten by a dinosaur. I know that's like not chronologically correct.
[00:35:48] You get eaten by a dinosaur. You can get eaten by a bear, you eaten by a lion. It just depends where you lived in the world. So if you had different values from the society or the Klan or the tribe, like whatever you were with, you died. Like it was like fit in or be eaten. And so our brains haven't evolved much from that.
[00:36:10] And so when we're not fitting into the box that society did not make for us, Or like, oh my gosh, this is so unsafe, and your brain is gonna give you every single excuse as to why this is not for you. Like if you're listening to this and you're like, okay, I still need to lose weight. I felt better when I was in this smaller body.
[00:36:30] And like, that's your brain being like, we're just gonna stay safe. I'm comfortable. Like every single excuse. And so like that's your job is curiosity and compassion. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Know your job and do your job. That's what I just heard. Know your job. Yes. And do your job and just chill. Just chill with it because I think there's a lot more to life.
[00:36:54] What I'm hearing you say, Randy, Amy, this is what I think too, but what I'm hearing you say is that there's more to life. There's more to you than your meat suit and what's going on with what your meat suit looks. And you are just a vessel for your soul. Like your, your body is a vessel for your soul. So if your soul is being nourished by dieting, help, like.
[00:37:17] Fill your dang boots. But it I the butt there is, I'm not sensing that's true for most people. No, no, no, no. Well, it wasn't for me. It wasn't for me anyway. I'm like working for Weight Watchers for 10 years. Like I can count on one hand how many people hit their goal. And like, whoa. And like I worked two or three meetings a week.
[00:37:45] I worked with thousands of humans through this. And like one hand, how many people hit their goal weight and like, I don't know if any of them, it's not. And the statistics on dieting is not, not in our favor. Yeah, no kidding. We know that. We know that as humans, like how many diets have we been on? They don't work.
[00:38:04] Yes. So if you could leave us with your, I don't know, your ethos, like what is it that makes you special as a coach? What is it that makes you the person we should call, tell us that. Yeah. Um, I know exactly what you're going through. I've done it. I've lived this journey and I've walked to this path. Like I know exactly how you're feeling right now because I was in this spot.
[00:38:32] Um, I started following some people when I was very heavily into dining. I started following people that were talking this way and I was like, okay, but you're wrong. But I kinda wanna believe you, but you're wrong. It feels so good, but that feels so bad. Yeah. But feels so good. Feels so bad. Yeah. Yeah. Like I, I, yeah.
[00:38:50] And so like if you're in that space right now, like I know exactly how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. I've been you, I've walked those steps. Um, I am a super compassionate, caring, empathetic human who just like my passion in life is to get women to see their worth so they can my like, Tagline is to stop waiting.
[00:39:14] Like waiting. Yeah. Yeah. We get your pun. We get your pun. I also have a lot of puns in corn dancing. I'll hang out. Um, stop waiting and start living. I'm like, whatever that is. Um, one client and I have full permission to share her story. Um, her big thing was like, I want to go to a book club and like that.
[00:39:39] That's confidence is sometimes we see confidence as like, well, I don't wanna be like naked on a Victoria's Secret runway. Like, that's so far and no, no, like, Her big thing was like, I wanna go to a book club. I wanna be okay being a larger body person in the room and not worrying about what other people think.
[00:39:56] I wanna be able to eat the food and not like worry what people are thinking about what's on my plate. And I wanna like, contribute and not just hide in the background. And so, That's what she did. Like that's what we coached towards. And now she's like, I have, she's her own book Instagram page. She's private book clubs.
[00:40:14] Like she just stopped giving so much time to worrying what other people were thinking about her body and like what food she should be eating. And if people were judging her at the book club and she also had a different accents, like there's a whole a lot of play that she was like, I don't wanna sit in the back and hide.
[00:40:30] And like, that's what it. It's not these like big, grandiose things, it's these little tiny moments in life. Like I have another client who's a mom and just like pushing her kid on the swing without worrying what she looked like and not worrying that the other moms are judging her for being a bigger mom.
[00:40:47] Like we give so much of our brain power away that we don't even notice. And so when you can work with me or another coach, but I'm gonna come home myself. Yes, please work with Randy. Please work with Randy. Yes. When you work with me, like that's what it is. It's like we get so crystal clear on what your goals are and what, like body confidence, body acceptance, like what does that look like in your world?
[00:41:13] And then we do the steps to get you there. Mm-hmm. And so you can live your life. Yeah. Live your life. Stop waiting. Waiting so you can live. And that feels true. That feels so true. And don't waste this crush. Life. Like there, there's just so, so many unknowns and there's so much pain and suffering in the world, and don't let this be part of it.
[00:41:42] Um, yeah, just imagine. I like to ask my clients the question of what would your life be like if this wasn't on your mind all the time? Um, what would your life be like? And it's like, holy shit. Like that just opens. So much, like what would your life be like if you never like ever had to worry about weight, food, exercise, and just the general expectations of the patriarchy on women?
[00:42:14] What would your life be like? Like that is such a. Like when I, even, I think about that, like, even, like I can say I've gone pretty far, but I'm still in it. I'm still in it. I st like, you know, still get a little pang of frustration when a family member says something about my size or, you know, whatever. All of those things are part of it.
[00:42:37] And Randy, I just heard you say there's hope, there's, there's another way, there's another way you can look at this and you're, you're serving. Yeah, you're serving the other way. You're serving the other way. The emotions that I hear that come out of this on the other side is like ease, like health can be easy and simple.
[00:42:56] It doesn't have to be this complicated list of rules and like freedom. Just like, yeah, easy, simple, and free is the emotions that, oh yeah, that sounds so good. So if you want to have an easy, simple, and free feeling in regards to your meat suit and how you're hanging out. In this spinning rock in the universe, call my friend Randy, because she can help you.
[00:43:22] Um, you're welcome. Anything Randy, like, thank you so much for sharing all of that and what happened in our conversation today for you, what would you say, uh, what would, how would you summarize, how would you summarize our chat? Uh, live your life. Uh, stop waiting. Start living. Yes. I love it. No, I really just think like I, if there's one thing I could leave people with, it's like, like, you are worthy.
[00:43:54] You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy, and you are innately worthy. Full stop. There's no, there's no reason you have to tie onto that you are a worthy human and your size did not be tangled up with that. So yeah, you want help untangling that? Come find me on the internet. Yes, and all of it will be linked in the show notes as per usual.
[00:44:16] Um, scroll down on this episode and you'll find it. Randy, I am so grateful to have you in my life and to just, you know, watch you on the interwebs. I'm cheering you. And I am like just so grateful you're doing the good work that you're doing. So thank you so much. Yeah. See you soon. Melissa, thank you so much for being here and listening to this episode.
[00:44:41] I love having you and sharing these stories with you is just giving me life. If you like the podcast, please go find positively charged wherever you get your podcast. Great review Center friend, like, share, follow me on Instagram, check out my website. Your support means everything to me. Thank you so much for being here and can't wait to see you again soon.