Episode 7 - The Plague 2.0 and Fatness

[INTRODUCTION]

[00:00:01] LA: Welcome to the Positively Charged podcast. I'm a certified coach who's innately curious and loves discussing life, work, family, and everything in between. My guests and I are sharing how we step into our power and live a positively-charged life. Let's dive in. 

[INTERVIEW]

[00:00:24] LA: Welcome, welcome to another episode of Positively Charged. I am your host, Lindsay Austin. I am so pleased you have returned back to the podcast. I'm grateful you're here. This is a solo episode today. And I have a couple things I want to talk about. And this episode is a little bit jumbled. But that's okay, because this is my fucking podcast. I can do whatever I want.

So I released an episode a couple weeks ago called The Plague. And that episode, if you haven't listened to it, please go back and listen to it. Because this one won't make sense without that one. I explained what me and my family were going through with a bunch of very surface-level rudimentary illnesses. So nothing life-threatening. Nothing crazy. It's just an absolute shit show of back to back sicknesses in my home.

And one of the interesting parts about that is that I got really sick. So I was quite ill, and constantly dealing with a new ailment felt like every week. And yeah, it was pretty brutal. So I want to continue on.

When I recorded The Plague podcast, I was thinking it was over, which was very naive. I think, if I remember correctly, I recorded it when I had just received treatment for my strep throat. So again, go listen to that podcast. But quick recap, I had COVID that turned just strep throat. And I was in urgent care to get treated for that. And when I recorded that podcast, I was feeling a little bit better. I was feeling a little bit like we were on the other side of it. And I just want to do the continuation on here, because I was not done with it. Was not on the other side of it. And wanted to finish off the story hopefully. I'm not even going to say finish off, because anything could happen. I'm hoping it doesn't. But anything could happen.

And basically, as I said, I had strep throat. Turns out it actually wasn't strep throat. They did swab me for COVID again and strep throat, but neither were actually true. It was something else. They don't know what the actual infection was. And they treated me with antibiotics, penicillin, that took away the strep-throat-like symptoms within about five days, which was very much normal, how you would expect penicillin to work for strep throat.

So at least the antibiotics really did work. And with about 24 hours after I had basically cleared up my throat, I started to get a bit of an ear ache. So it kind of felt like a bit of waxy blockage in my ear. And I have sensitive ears. So I figured it was that. I've had that before I did a flush on my ears. I have a whole system of flushing when they get blocked up. And that didn't really do anything. Definitely, it didn't make it worse, but it didn't make it better.

And so I thought, "Okay, I'm going to go to the doctor the next day." So I did. I went to a walking clinic and saw a doctor and they said, "Yeah, it looks like you have your canal infection." So at that point that your drum wasn't infected, but just the canal that year. And they said it really probably will resolve itself in a couple days just by using like a Tylenol cold and flu, or a Tylenol sinus, or Advil sinus. It would resolve itself with that. It was just like a continuation of throat infection likely that kind of landed in the ear canal. So I did that for about 24 hours, taking Advil cold and sinus, and my earache just exponentially got worse in that next 24 hours.

I went back to the doctor, and my whole your canal had swollen up to the point where I couldn't even like touch my ear. It looked like I had kind of like a cauliflower ear, like a boxer would get when they get hit in the ear. And the doctor said, "Yeah, absolutely. The infection has gotten worse. Let's move to antibiotic drops," which is definitely the next logical thing to do when you have an ear infection is get antibiotic drops.

The problem was the infection was primarily in the canal, which is not not common, but it's hard to keep the medicine on that area. Like when you drop the antibiotic drops into your ear, of course it moves around. And so, yeah, it wasn't really doing anything. The long, the short of it, it wasn't really doing anything.

Ended up going to the hospital from the pain of this infection. It was so bad. I have had my appendix out. I've broken my arm twice. I've given birth to two children. I know what pain is like. And this was a pain none other. Like I've never felt anything like this. And it made me worried. It made me feel like there was something more happening. So again, went to the hospital. That was pretty fruitless. They did put in an ear wick, which is essentially a little like gauze, a little tiny gauze plug in my ear that soaks up the medicine so that it stays in one place. At least it doesn't just drain out. So that was my first hospital visit. The doctor couldn't even get the scope into my ear to see my eardrum because it was so swollen and enlarged, as same as my lymph node. So my neck and part of my face was completely swollen up. It was quite alarming to look at.

Yeah. So he didn't really do anything. The doctor didn't really do anything else, other than the ear wick. And said, "If you're still in this much pain, come back, because we need to make sure that there isn't an infection of the skull." So that's what he was actually worried about, was that the ear infection, where it was stemming from or where the primary infection was, is in this spot of the ear that is a very thin piece of skin and also butts up right against the skull. And so there was a worry that there was an infection permeating my skull. This sounds quite intense. And they weren't worried. I say worried, but he was like, "This is very unlikely. It would be very low chances of that being the case." So not to worry about that. But he just wanted to keep an eye on it.

Well, after that, my pain escalated. My pain got worse and worse and worse. So I went back to the hospital. And luckily, at the hospital, they changed my antibiotics from the penicillin to something else. And that, ultimately, is what got my ear to feel better. And it took about three days after the new antibiotics started. So at this point, I'd probably been on antibiotics for probably 10 days when I started the new medication.

And so I continued on taking that medication, again, as I said, for maybe like three days before it started feeling better. At this point with my ear, I still can't hear very well, or I can't hear perfectly I should maybe say, out of the one ear. It feels like it's still kind of blocked. But the pain is gone. And I'm no longer taking the antibiotics or doing the antibiotic drops.

Like I said, the pain is gone. So I'm satisfied with that. But I do need to go get it looked at again because there might be damage to the eardrum from this infection, or damaged some part of the ear from this infection that could impact my hearing. So I need to go get that checked. And if you're thinking, "Well, why haven't you gone to get that checked?" It's because the first thing I started feeling actually decent. My child, my youngest little baby child who had the hand foot and mouth disease, my husband picked her up from school on this day. And she had a cough and runny nose, and just generally looked unwell when he picked her up. So I dropped her off and she was fine. He picked her up and she was not fine. She was just an absolute – She looked sick, really.

And so brought her home. And also, my husband just kind of out of nowhere was like, "Maybe I have something coming on to. Like I have a little bit of sinus pressure. Not really a cold per se. But yeah, just that feeling when you have a cold coming on." He's like, "What is that?" Well, turns out my little baby daughter and my husband got COVID.

So it was almost devastating. To be honest, the news that they got COVID right as I was starting to feel better, was pretty intense. And both him and my daughter actually were fine. There was really nothing, thank goodness, that came out of it. This will be the second time for both of them that they've had COVID. And it was the second time for me as well when I had it. 

So all in all, my baby daughter is only a year and a half old. So of course, she's not vaccinated. So she had to quarantine for 10 days. So I had another 10 days of taking care of her. My husband is triple vaxxed, and so am I. And so he only had to quarantine for the five days, and he barely had any symptoms through the whole thing. So that was very positive. But we all had to kind of stay home and deal with that.

So, The Plague 2.0 was that my wonderful COVID experience. A couple of doctors actually called it long COVID. Having the strep-throat-like infection and then ear infection is actually very common. They see it a lot. They're seeing it a lot in emergency rooms of people who just had COVID. We're having these really adverse infections after the fact. It's almost like the body can't handle these like maybe normal germs after fighting the COVID disease. Like it's too difficult for the body. And so all of that happened.

And then of course, my – There's the element of like my daughter, my little baby, having COVID is just so sad. Like they don't know what's going on. And she was so snotty, coughing, and just like generally not feeling great. And it was so sad. Like just terrible. Parents out there, I totally feel for you, keeping your kids home from school with little sniffles and things like that. And then also taking care of them when they eventually are going to get COVID really. I hate to be so negative. But at this point, it's like if you haven't had it, I'm actually quite surprised.

And like for our family, we've had it multiple times in multiple different spurts. So it's definitely still out there. And I've heard a lot of people who are still going through COVID stuff right now. And we're in Alberta right now. Restrictions are lifting, or lifted, I think. Don't quote me on this. But I believe after April 1st, even more restrictions are lifting, including antigen tests upon return to Canada and other things. Don't take my word for it. Always please do check the restrictions in your area. But COVID is still a thing. And I'm just saying it out loud. COVID is still thing. We need to still take care out there. And I am also saying that I'm excited to get back to normal and just get out of the quarantine of my home and get back to work.

So this episode is really dedicated to my wonderful clients who have been so patient with me over the past six weeks. It has been a struggle to keep my calendar up to speed and dealt with. And yeah, you're the real MVPs, the clients, the people that are clients. I'm still very grateful for technology, because I could still see some clients over Zoom if my husband could be with the baby, or if we get some appropriate care at the appropriate time. But of course, there's a lot of little hiccups that way. So thank you, wonderful clients, for all the hard work that you've done to rearrange your schedules for me.

So as I said in the other plague podcast, everything is temporary. I'm not counting my chickens. I'm not saying that we're out of the blue or out of the forest yet. But I am hopeful that next week I'll have a normal week and be able to keep all my appointments that I have on the calendar. So I'm very hopeful for that. By the time you listen to this podcast [inaudible 00:12:49] already be done. And maybe maybe things have changed, maybe not. But yeah, long story short, the plague continued, and maybe will still continue. But we're surviving. And I'm always so humbled by the wonderful care that our healthcare providers do give us, especially in Canada.

I was listening to a couple podcasts this week. And there was some discussion about health care and a couple of them from the States. And like health care is privatized essentially in the states, where there's barriers to getting care due to financial and other territorial geographic reasons. And it is horseshit. Like I am so glad that we have the type of health care that we do here in Canada. I know it's not perfect. I know it needs to be desired at some points. But I'm just feeling extraordinarily grateful that I can go get all of these different medications that I needed to. And I could just go to the hospital and not have to worry about whether I'm going to go in debt or not over that process.

And I submitted my – I have health care spending. And my group health benefits covered a lot of my prescriptions. And I submitted the remainder through my health care spending. And just the remainder alone was over $100. And like $100 is a lot of money. And that's just the remainder. That's just what was left. And so I'm also very grateful for just our modern way that we handle healthcare, especially in Canada. So that's my two cents on that.

Again, I said this episode's going to be a bit jumbled because I'm going to switch gears pretty quick here. But there's something I've been wanting to talk about for the last couple of weeks. And I think this is the right place to talk about it. And I'm open to feedback and I would love to hear your two cents on this. Dear listener, if you have two cents on it, you can message me on Instagram or through my website, or you can email me. All my information is there.

And the topic that I'm curious about or want to – Yeah, I'm curious about it really, and I want to talk about it. I'm a little bit going to be on a soapbox. So stay braced for that. Is fatness and obesity, and plus sizeness, and existing in a body that is larger. And all of these words are different ways of saying the same thing, I think. And you might have feelings about those words. And I encourage you to feel those feelings. I'm not going to – It's not necessarily the right thing to say. But it is the way I'm going to describe it.

And I just want to be clear. Like you can't see me. And you would only know this to know me. But I am in a larger body. I do exist as a plus size woman in a society where being plus size is not easy. Being fat is not easy. And existing in this type of body results in – I'm really hesitant to use the word discrimination. I think it might be the right word. But I'm not informed enough in the social dynamics of what that word really, really truly means to the groups that are being discriminated against.

But effectively, I'll say how being plus size or being fat results in you being treated differently. And I've seen it in my career personally. I've seen it in just society in general, just how – Especially with women, how we're brought up to stay small and always want to be smaller, always want to be more beautiful, more tiny, more put together.

And just at the last few weeks, I've just noticed, maybe it's me, maybe it's just being at home. But I've noticed, especially online in my Instagram community and where I get my medias, just more talk and more division around how being in a larger body, being fat, being plus size is not desirable and not acceptable. And it's kind of portrayed sometimes as worse than anything, worse than anything else.

And I just want to speak to that. I want to speak to that piece specifically, which is there's this concept, "Well, at least I'm not that fat, or at least I'm not this much weight, or at least I'm not as that person is," insert whatever descriptor there. And I want to invite curiosity about that dialogue, curiosity about the dialogue of comparing your body to others, comparing others bodies to other's bodies, and using completely outdated systems like BMI, body mass index, to distribute worthiness. So there is a general accepted narrative that the lower your body mass index, the healthier you are. And that is utter bullshit.

And I have read – I've definitely read some information and articles, and consumed media around how the body mass index calculator is complete bullshit. And I'm not going to link anything, because I'm not going to go back and find those things that I've read. But I, again, invite a curiosity of looking into this for yourself.

So, for me, I get really skeptical over a calculator that – So, for instance, if I calculated my body mass index to be – I don't even know what a percentage that makes sense. But like maybe 35%. If I calculated my body mass index based on my height, weight, and the fact that I'm female, that would give a number. And 35% would be 35% fat. And if I cut off my left leg – Just to put it in perspective, if I cut off my left leg, I would weigh less to put that calculation together. So my weight would go down drastically. If I cut off my whole leg, my weight would go down quite a bit. That's a big appendage of my body personally. I'm five foot eight and have a 33-and-a-half-inch inseam. So yeah, my left leg probably weighs quite a bit. And if I cut that off, my body mass index would go down, and I would be deemed more healthy.

I just want that to – For me, that's where it sounds like a bit of bullshit. It sounds like something that doesn't make sense, where the less weight I have on my body, the more healthy I am under that calculation. And it's just totally not true. I was reading something about a bodybuilder who was – I'm not saying bodybuilding is healthy, or I don't know anything about that interest, or that hobby, or sport, or whatever it identifies as. But a bodybuilder was at 46% on the BMI, body mass index calculator, and had essentially no body fat whatsoever. Was very extremely lean and muscular. But it was just this basic calculation that made it out to be that he wasn't – He didn't qualify for life insurance or whatever it was based on that. Again, I'm not going to go back and find where I found that. But this is all anecdotal. And this is my podcast. So I'm just going to talk about. But there's a definite need to look at this differently when something like that is so like obviously debunkable. 

The other concept that I want to kind of bring to light is that fat activism and body positivity is rooted in white supremacy and rooted in a social justice issue. It was designed – The idea of fat activism was really founded and designed to disrupt the narrative of what a woman's body should be and look like, and how it's normal to have curvier figure. And it's normal to have weight distribution that doesn't fit the ideal beauty standards that we see in our media. And I just want to shout that out that, really, body positivity in itself is not necessarily the thing that will change anything. It's not going to – Like bringing attention to us loving our bodies is essentially how I would define body positivity. I don't think that that really matters. I think that there needs to be a fat acceptance. There needs to be – Fatness is not the worst thing that could happen to you. And there is a narrative out there that it is. Like at least I'm not the at least I'm not. Or at least I lost. Or at least I'm smaller than I was. Or that narrative, I think, is really damaging and really dangerous.

And I have no shame in the game of self-improvement. I love working on myself. I personally have a value of working on myself. And that includes my physical body. That includes nourishment, and hydration, and exercise, and all the things that maybe fit the narrative of like, "Oh, well, you should be thin." And I'm not. I'm not thin. I never have been thin. And I take care of my body. Sometimes I don't care what other people do. But I do take care of my body. And I will never be able to – Not never. I shouldn't say never. I will always have this stigma of being fat whenever I'm coming into a space where people who's specifically have been elevated for being thin.

And this isn't woe is me. I'm totally good with my body. I've done a lot of work. I've done a lot of self work around this topic. And I nourish and feed and all of that without guilt, without shame. And I hope the same for you. I hope the same that you can disengage from the narrative that restriction and hatred of yourself is equal to success. And I hope that, for you listener, that you can really truly look at yourself. And all the ways that you are, whether it'd be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and love yourself and know that your size, this body is just a meatsuit for your soul. And it is literally only here to carry out your life purpose and do the good work that you're here to do. And that's the real reason your body's here. Not to fit a narrative of what it should be like or look like. There's the soapbox that I was talking about.

Another piece here that I, again, like just have kind of heard about recently and just has been popping into my aura recently is around, "Well, at least I'm healthy. So I can be fat and also be healthy." And I think this is maybe closer to good or closer to acceptable. But it still isn't acceptable, because it's rooted in ableism. So if you're not healthy, then you're not good. That doesn't make any sense.

There're all different sorts of ways to define health. There're all different ailments that exists inside the physical and mental bodies. And if you suffer from those, that doesn't mean you're not worthy. It doesn't mean you're not healthy, or it doesn't – Sorry. Even if you're not healthy, it doesn't mean you're not worthy. That's what I'm trying to say, is that it doesn't mean health is not an indication of self-worth. Health is not an indication of self-worth. You're worthy regardless of your health.

And truly, like I'm very lucky I have a Health at Every Size doctor. Like, my general practitioner doctor is very, very inclusive and works really well with her populations of patients that, regardless of their body size, they get adequate care.

But the truth is, care is different for people who exist in fat bodies. And I have I've had doctors who have said to me, "Well, you're not healthy. You need to lose weight. You're not healthy unless you are this weight," and have like kind of brushed under the rug other health ailments that I was concerned about, because I related it directly to weight.

And now that I have a good doctor who is very loving with her patients, and regardless of how their meatsuit shows up in the chair in front of her, she treats them with abundance of respect and connection. I get better care now. And none of my ailments that I bring forward are ever directly connected to how much I weigh and how much my gravitational pull on the earth is in numerical form.

And so why am I saying all this? I really want to just truly invoke curiosity for you. I want you to leave this podcast being updated on The Plague, of course. But I would love for you to leave this podcast with a little bit of a thought as to how you do not accept fatness. And internalized fat phobia for me is a huge thing. I don't see other people's body size as a problem. But I see my body sizes as a problem. And that's my definition of internalized fat phobia.

And I say that with a little bit of a chuckle, because it's a journey. I'm definitely very far down that path and have done really good work around that. But I'm not 100% there. I still have body image days that are not favorable. And I wonder like what it would be like if I was thinner, and wish I was thinner, and that kind of thing. And that's just society. Really, like that's just how I've navigated the world, is just wanting to be thinner. Like, that's always been something that's been on my mind.

And like I said, I want to leave you with this kind of concept of like what is your fatphobia keeping from you and from others? And you know, there might be an opportunity to do some work around that and like get clear as to what your body really is and how it shows up for you. And how you can use it to live out your purpose work and shine your light in the world. So that's my rant about fatness.

And if you want to hit me up about it, I'd love to chat more about it. An open book, and would love to engage in those conversations. But I hope you leave this pod with a bit of maybe a different perspective, maybe the same perspective. At minimum, I'm in your corner. If you're a fat person and a plus sized body, I'm here for you. I totally understand. And if you're a thin person, think about how you might be an ally and how you might deal with your own fat phobia and making spaces for fat people safe. And if you want to ever talk about that, you can always hit me up to do so.

I am grateful for you listening as always, and can't wait to chat with you next week.

[OUTRO]

[00:27:51] LA: Thank you for being here with me. If you loved this episode of Positively Charged, please rate and review wherever you get your podcasts. If you could benefit from illuminating your own personal power, please contact me to get a free coaching consultation. Stay positively charged, my friends.

[END]